Let me first start off by saying that I try to keep a positive outlook on life. I complain a lot of twitter (which I need to stop) because I don’t want to complain about trivial things to people I know in real life so I keep it online to a bunch of ppl I don’t know, who don’t care, and who will forever the little complaints I do make. I know there’s really no need for this disclaimer because this is my blog, but I just wanted to ut that out there.
Anyway, as of late, me and my son’s father, Big Jay we’ll call him, have been trying to be friends for the sake of Jayden. Even to the point where I was going to let him move in so I could have help with the bills. The plan seemed like a decent one at first because from being out of a job 8 months of my entire pregnancy and going out on unpaid maternity leave, things had become pretty hectic money wise, and although I’m doing good right now, of course I feel things could always be better. Keep in mind I thank God for the job I do have, stable, great benefits, decent pay, I just wish i was a full-time employee because I keep imaginging how much I would be able to catch up on if I got more pay. As of right now, I don’t have Jay on child support. We are waiting on the court date to decide that information because I have filed for child support. He has been helping me a lot with Jayden, and helping me also, but I already had a feeling this plan would be short lived. In all of about 10 days, I realized I do not want this boy living with me. He does things to irk your nerves and when you ask him to stop, he continues doing the shit and has rebuttle for EVERYTHING. He believes he is a “Man” and no one can tell him what to do. When it comes to my son, I tell you what the hell I want to when I feel you shouldn’t be doing certain things with him. For instance, Jayden is three months old. There is not need for you to be raising him in the air, he is too little for that and it scares him. Yeah he may smile, that’s because it tickles his tummy. I tell him when he feeds him to hold him, he keeps feeding him lying down. Jayden has a cold and very bad congestion right now, that can make him get choked, I tell him to stop, he rebuttles and keeps doing it.
I for one am tired of it and if you don’t respect me enough to stop something I ask you to quit doing because it worries me and Jayden is so small, I dont want you around my child ALONE because you probably do other stuff just because you’re a “man” and “can do whatever you please” if you gonna be like that, then you won’t be OVER HERE doing it, and you won’t be around Jayden alone until he is old enough to tell me whats going on incase you are over there roughousing him thinking that’s what toughens little boys up. I’m all for a man caring and loving on his child, but with the mentality you have, it’s as if I am speaking to a boy…and then you’re in MY home? .. Get Real. I don’t like that mess, I dont play that mess, and if I had actually paid attention to the signs BEFORE i had gotten pregnant, things would be so different now. I do not regret my son or the decision made, and I know I have to deal and live with it, but OMG if I had used my brain. It’s alright though, I aint the first and the last to learn the lesson after failing the test, not saying I failed by having my son, but you understand what I mean. I should have better judgement of men.
The one man who was real and treated me great and everything, I didn’t know how to deal with, I thought it was an act or a show, and I did things to pull him away until he let me go. 20 years old…if I had know what I know now October 31, 2007…but hey things happen for a reason. I know now what i dont want to deal with ever again.
It’s so much going on, not even with his dad but life in general…but thats life for everyone, right? lol
Money wise, I am trying to get back on track with managing my finances better. How can I expect God to bless me with more money if I’m just going to spend it on fast food? I have gotten a lot better at not spending on clothes and stuff I don’t need, even saving money back, but I need to get my eating habits in order when it comes to spending money and get my health on track also.
I feel this sense of urgency to get things done in life but I really need to take it one day at a time because being in a hurry always leads to choas and this moment is really all we have anyway…
Tags: baby daddy, baby mama, drama, get-it-together, jesus, life, money
